Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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