I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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