I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
