Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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