I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
