In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
