Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
