Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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