she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
