It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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