you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
