Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
