So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
