Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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