Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
