yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
