wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
