i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You are the jesus of drinking
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
