cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
