Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
