I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
