I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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