She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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