I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
