Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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