We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
