i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
