remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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