I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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