Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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