we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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