I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
