Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
