New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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