I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
that is very illegal...i love you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
