ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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