What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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