She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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