I got chris browned last night
I could have mohawked her pubes.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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