I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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