just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
