Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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