Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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