yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
