So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
