I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
