Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
