at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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