I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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