I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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