Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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