my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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