Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
