Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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