Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
