I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This is the high leading the old right now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
