If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
