imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
