ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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