i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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