No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
