The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
