dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
