I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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