hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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