the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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