he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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