So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
